Culture shock. Everyone talks of it and everyone warns you of it. But no one can prepare you for when or how hard it will hit. And it’s hit me – HARD. I’ve had a tough two weeks since Halloween, and feel as if I am on a long and twisted rollercoaster of emotions. While a lot of this has been triggered from a personal matter at home (which will not be discussed here), it is many of the little things that will often cause me to feel ‘blergh’.
It’s at this point that I feel I get frustrated at some of the smallest of things;
Would you stop staring at me! Yes, I’m a foreigner. Yes, I have blonde hair. But, I am no different to you!
No, of course I’m not busy, I’ve just got all these papers on my desk for show!
What do you mean that’s the wrong answer? Why can’t you recognize this kanji? (in reference to the online language course)
Why do no clothes fit me here!?! Can’t you create clothes for people that actually have butts?!
And then there are the lowest of points. Such as no longer fitting into some of your favourite clothes, missing the one sport that you were once good at, or feeling as if you’re ‘out-of-the-loop’ with friends. It’s the lowest of lows. It causes my continual whining and tears. I don’t understand how I can feel so lonely in a country filled with people, in a workplace filled with staff and students, with weekends filled with friends.
The conference really hit the nail on the head. I suddenly became aware of what was happening in my life. And is it possible I’ve been annoying my new friends here with this behaviour too? It’s high time I pull myself out of this ridiculous downhill spiral and climb back to the top again. So, I thought the best and first step was to vent my frustrations on this blog. Get all my emotions out and start from scratch.
So, I apologise for the very depressive and uneventful blog post. However, I think this is what I needed for the first step toward motivating myself again. While I know it won’t be as easy as one blog post, and it certainly won’t be a smooth sail back to the top, I have high hopes that I’ll reach it eventually.
After all, I am looking to possibly extend my contract – did I mention that before?
